A Day in a Taxi in Penang

Diran: I need to go to the Penang Jetty.

Taxi: Hanya RM15

Diran: Apa(What)??RM15??

Taxi: What to do brudda, semua(all) went up in price.

Diran: OK!

-taxi man knocks the car a few times(probably for luck so that I will reach there safely)and then gets in the car and slams the door-

Taxi: You coming from Butterwoth ah brudda? Wah, so far.

Diran: Yes. OK la.

Taxi: You come what for?

Diran: Got something la.

Taxi: Owh.

Diran: Uncle, are you ok?

Taxi: Ahh...

Diran: OK.

Taxi: Eh lu(your) place got Ah Mui to eat ah?

Diran. What??

Taxi: That wan la. To eat wan.

Diran: Oh, no. I dont know la

Taxi: Eh, you wan ah? I can give you chinese, malay, indian even Moscow but expensive loh.

Diran: Ah?? No thank you Uncle.

Taxi: Not expensive la. If Chinese $120, if Indian also same. Malay ah is $80. Moscow wan is esspensive, $250. For hour only. Very good wan. But old-old. Malay all nice wan. Moscow wan come holiday, so forawhile oni. There's why they charge esspensive. You wan ah?

Diran: No, uncle. Thanks. I dont do these things. You got ah Uncle.

Taxi: Aiyoh, so many times le. All the people there wa tau(I know). Me, Malay is best la. For you dont know la. But I can still show you there for fun la.

Diran: Nevermine la Uncle maybe next time. Alot of people go isit?

Taxi: Got la. Mostly all mat salleh ah. But alot Malaysians also la. This mat salleh come here they say they wan to taste the people here. So wa bring them loh. For them more esspensive la.

Diran: Oh, you got try ah Uncle?

Taxi: Banyak kali la(many times). If not, wa wont ask you mah. Yes?

Diran: No. I mean yes.

Taxi: Ah? Yes or no?Wan to go or not?

-reaches destination-

Diran: No, maybe next time Uncle. Thank you.

Taxi: Ha...


For this whole thing I nearly pissed in my pants. It was so fun talking to this old man like this but it was frightening too. If I were to agree, OH MY GOD. AIDS, HIV! All this went through my mind. No way.

Maybe next time Uncle...