The Malaysian Political Oscars

Our political situation is like something out of a movie-so here are the awards. The envelope please.

The Wide Angle Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, headquarters for no particular reason in Skudai, presents this year's Malaysian Political Oscars.

The most widely watched televison event in Malaysia, the Poltical Oscar telecast reaches over 1 billion viewers, some who are dead, some of whom are 130 years okd, and most of whom are registered at the same address.

How does it work? Memebers of the academy (all Malaysian taxi drivers who depite being allegedly the worst in the world at driving taxis are remarkably good at political analysis) vote on these awards, and the results are tabulated by the auditors of some large accounting firm who would rather do this sort of thing tan real accounting work, which might explain the state of the economy.

Here are the nominees and winners.

Best Supporting Actor

It is a crowded field this year, with many stellars performances from both veterans and newcomers.

The nominees include private investigator, P. Balasubramaniam in Missing; Pusrawi's Dr. Mohd Osman in Rear Window; Zaid Ibrahim in Gone in Sixty Seconds; and Raja Petra Kamaruddin in An Inconvenient Truth.

But the Best Supporting Actor goes to Penang UMNO leader Ahmad Ismail for his controversial performance in Pride and Prejudice.

Despite his recent success, which led to him being cast in Under Seige and Raging Bull, Ahmad has flatly refused roles in the films Anger Management and Atonement.

Best Supproting Actress

For her critically-acclaimed performance in Minority Report, this year's Best Supporting Actress Oscar goes to Sinchew Daily reporter Tan Hoon Cheng.

Interestingly, immediately after that film completed principal photography, Tan was the unwitting start of Catch and Release,a film that may or may not have been directed by Syed Halmid Albar, depending on which version of the studio press kit you read.

Tan spent just 18 hours on location, before qutting, citing creative differences.

Best Cinematography

For his impectful camera work in V.K. Lingam vehicle The Conversation, the Oscar for Cinematography goes to Gwo Loh Burne.

(Although The Conversation was shot some time ago, due to his refusal to be credited for many months, Gwo Loh Burne could not be given the award earlier. When he finally came forward, this legal thriller was re-released in the market as The Bourne Identity).

The Conversation beat out Entrapment, starring Chua Soi Lek, which also features an anonymous cinematographer.

Best Foreign-Language Film

Agricultural Study Tour, a Taiwanese sleeper hit, was shot entirely by coincidence, supposedly with no director and no funding.

Nonetheless, a sequal, Exile on My Taiwanese Farm: Peeling my Taugeh might be filmed next year with some of the original cast.

Best Original Screenplay

Jumper, written by Anwar Ibrahim, wins this year's award. Although the fil suffers from cast of unknowns, whose number seems to fluctuate from scene to scene(though always at least 31), the scrpt is undeniably original and exciting. It also has the potential for numerous sequals, which will prove profitable for the actors.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Written by a team of in-house screenwritters from the Attorney-General's Studios, The Accused, staring Anwar Ibrahim, is allegedly adapted from instructions given by political superiors. A remake of the 1998 flop, but with many of the same actors and production team.

Best Actress

Seputeh Member of Parliament Teresa Kok was competing against herself this year with sterling performance in a slew of releases: Election; Women on Top; Supergirl; and in cinemas until last Friday, the black comedy Enemy of the State.

She wins the Best Actress Oscar, however, for her most famous role, Miss Congeniality, whihc has earned her praises from audiences and critics alike.

Best Actor

The big stars of yesteryear dominated the Best Actor category this year.

Nominees include S.Samy Vellu in Gone With The Wind; Dr.Mahathir Mohamad in V for Vendetta; and both Najib Tun Razak and Abdullah Ahmad Badawi in the comdey Trading Places.

The winner, however, of the Malaysian Political Oscar for Best Actor is Abdullah Ahmad Badawi for his flawless, nuanced, maasterful performance in Eyes Wide Shut.

Best Picture

The nominees for Best Picture in Malaysian Political Oscars are all gripping epics.

They include the moving story of the many members of Parti Sosialis Malaysia, The Magnificent Seven; Khairy Jamaluddin biopic Million Dolar Baby; the Hindraf saga, Out of Justice; and the tale of Gerakan in Barisan Nasional, The End of the Affair.

The winner for Best Picture, however, is the story of the MCA's struggle against the Internal Security Act, Look Who's Talking Now.

Lifetime Achievement Award

For his astonishing film career spanning many decades, and including both commercial
hits and small but critically-acclaimed art-house movies, Anwar Ibrahim wins the Lifetime Achievement Award.

His roles, in choronological order, include: Wild at Heart; The Young Guns; The Great Debater's; Sleeping With The Enemy; The Insider; The Sweet Smell of Success; Reversal of Fortune; Cast Away; The Accused; The Cell; Cry Freedom!; Into The Wild; Back to the Future; Mission: Impossible; The Perfect Storm; and most recently. Eastern Promises.

Depending on the outcome of contract negotiations, Anwar's next movies may include The King and I; Top Gun; and Great Expectations.

Alternatively, he may take roles in Crash; The Departed; and The Forgotten. That's the thing about show business-you never know what the big stars will do next!

That's al for this year's edition of the Malaysian Political Oscars folks. See you on the red carpet next year!