My passion to write

It has been so long.

A very long time. I can’t explain my absence. Why and when it all started. I jus don’t know frankly. My passion was always to write. I read a lot, I hope. I talk a lot, that I know. But writing has always been a passion of mine. I write the most randomness things and the silliest things, but at least it keeps me going and on my feet. You know I was lucky I had the opportunity to write during my A-levels. I took General Paper as a subject, although it’s not counted but I was thinking oh well why don’t I give it a go. It was scary at first thinking what might be coming out because it was such an exam that ranged from various topics. It’s not something I have studied or grilled over for but tits and tats of daily lives and how I see it. It was really interesting. I had to write three essays. Frankly, it wasn’t my best three essays, but it was my second best. I remembered how I wrote for so long, and it was really rewarding. Not because I totally drained my brain from all the knowledge that I kept, but it was so exceptionally lifting that I could just write without worrying whether I was within the topic or I was ticking off that the marker whom wouldn’t be happy with some unwarranted sentences and witty quotes.

Yes I am sarcastic. That I have always known. But I sometimes wonder whether it is because of my lack of insecurity and low self-esteem or is it because of my level of confidence and my high self-esteem. I still am not sure on that yet, but that discussion shall be left for another day of writing. Right now, passion to write is all I can think off.

I don’t know how I just left my blogging sphere totally unblogged for a very long time. It was an annoying long time but I just didn’t know why. It was always at the back of my mind that I should have blogged about this topic and that topic and so forth. But maybe due to lack of time, I never could carry out my intentions successfully. Another weakness of mine. I am strong minded. Stronger then many of my companions, and that I know for a fact. But I often linger a lot on it, and then it fades away. Yes, people. That’s the ironicity of it all. I wish to write, I long to write but I never get down to writing. You know, when I watch some classic romance movie I would think that I will write like that someday but only on paper. Then I would think its going to be such a waste of paper, due to the many mistakes that I constantly do. Grammar, verbs, adjectives etc.

When I think of writing, I question myself. Is it for self satisfaction? Or is it to satisfy myself knowing that others will read it? Frankly, I don’t know. And maybe those kind of questions will never be answered. Or probably it would, but I just don’t know when. Some I know write it for the glamour, and yet some write it out of emotions. I can never be the judge of which writing would then be better, but there is one thing that I can judge is that as long as there is passion to write, it will be beautiful. I don’t know if I can pen down a story so imaginative or whether I can write a script so awakening. But it may be so that what I write may at least change peoples’ perspective of it someday. I do not demand any changes in perspective. But at least they would be able to see it from my view. And that’s all hat counts.

Yesterday, I watched Yasmin Ahmas’d movie ‘Talentime’. This is to be for my next blogs topic. It was such a fantastic movie. Its so pure and simple yet so gripping. They Malay dude,God, when he cried(so endearing). Mahesh put alot of work in it. Its not easy playing a deaf and dumb role. But he pulled it off well.But I wanted to say something is that people who are far sighted and who are well read and who are brilliant read a lot of poems. I know well and good that dear Yasmin Ahmad reads a lot of poems and her many favourites were the great Rabridanath Tagore’s book. I wish I too could read poems and understand the emotions that are well layered. But really, it puts me to sleep. The days when I use to read my school literature books, I sue to dread the sight of it. Not because I couldn’t understand it, but because I couldn’t revel in it. But I guess, I have to change. And after watching a few great people and learning their sources of inspirations, I too now feel that I want to start reading poems and reading books that makes you think be inspired by. It may sound a little far fetched, okay very far fetched but at least I would like to try it out. I have a friend, and I shall not mention the people’s name. The person is one very positive and sunshiny person. I really don’t know whether it’s because the person is hiding a deep pain or is just born that way. However, the person writes lot’s of poems. I was never given the chance to read any of it, but it got me thinking, “that person must be really brilliant”. This is because, to be able to pen down an emotions or thought that lingers at that very moment on a piece of paper is something not many can do successfully. It may not mean so much, it may not win the Bookers Prize, but for some it changes their lives. And that I believe can never be judged and awarded.

They always say the pen is mightier then the sword. I always thought that was a fake quote. Some random person must have put it in there to give credit to people who were able to read and write and were coward to fight rather then those who took up their sword with a firm fist. But now, as I grow over time, I do notice that the pen is mightier then the sword. It may not be the strongest item, it may not also be an everlasting item (ink running out), but what it states makes a difference to anyone who reads it. It places you in place you can’t dream of and it guides to roads untaken. What better way is there then to write? That’s why I feel really bad that my passion to write was momentarily stopped.

I do hope from now on that I will be able to write like I used too. Continues.

A goos letter by George Collins

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

Refer to Mr. Afdlin Shauki's blog at SELAMBAKODOK's HOUSE

my point of view...

Dear Mr.Afdlin Shauki,

I applaud your write up on this issue and I would whole heartedly agree with you on it all. But, may I, if you would to allow, add few things.

1. Dont look so far. Look at Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia(I believe either Malaysia'a arch enemy or best friend), and Philipines. We cant even compete with any of these countries films. They too do it at small scale and budget and yada yada like you explained, but their content, the depth of the film is far more richer then three Malaysian films combined together. You agree with me, others agree with me and so does myself.

2.If you want Malaysians to watch your films and be all "One Language, One Unity" then start by portraying a Malaysian film. Not a Malay-sian film. I am Malaysian Muslim. But I dont want to watch a movie that goes on about the malay culture, speak the malay language, have malay actors and directors and film crews and food supliers and musicians blah blah blah. Dont compare yourself with Hollywood as they embrace difference. You cant use China and India and all as there, culture diversity is a thing of probabaly the future(if at all they get to integrate India and China together to get loads of Chindians). One thing for sure, apart from Yasmin Ahmad movies and some indie movies I cant seem to see where your 'budaya Malaysia' captured anywhere. Until and unless you can do that, and yet you do not have any Malaysians watching your film, then you complain it makes sense.

3.If I am right, the local Malaysian movies have terrible audio system, camera angles, stupid scripts that makes no sense from head to toe, actors and actress that are as stiff as wood let alone act. The so-called movies constantly looked as if its a documentary because either you use a very low definition of camera or you use a handy-cam. Make up is bad, man dont even put make up and their oily faces and eye bags are a turn off. Ladies clothes makes no sense to the environment and their styles are abysmal. Example of a good movie, look at Khabir Bhatia's movie 'Sepi' and 'Cinta', you looked good. You're a great actor, no doubt about it. You were in his film Mr. Afdlin. Learn from him. Look at his angles, look how he pulls the audience into his shows. The story line, the actions of the actors and actress, the scripts were off the charts and can you belive how many people cried watching the movie. I know you're more off the making people laugh in their seats, but frankly the jokes in Malay-sian movies are so kampung. We cant relate to daily lifes and most of it are so bad, you wish the electricity just shuts down automatically.

4. Malay-sian movies are mainly malays. Wow, talk about celebrating diveristy. Talk about "Malaysia, Truly Asia". Satu pun tak kena. I am not going to watch something that is obviously racist in the sense of cast yet they insist we should support them. Look at Yasmin Ahmad's film. See how she mixes people. Her budgets, if I am right are always small and are rarely backed by the government, FINAS as you call it. Yet they receive standing ovations overseas and are loved by all Malaysians. These are the movies we are interested in. All genre's of movies in Malaysia makes no sense. Be it comedy, horror, thriller, sad, romance. I dont know. At least if Malaysian films focus on one kinda movie genre that might help, but then that would be like restricting creativity.

5. The government, or FINAS constantly cut this and that thinking they know better about the movies we should watch and should not. Like you said, piracy. Like hello, theres still piracy. People can still get the movies from there. FINAS or whoever constantly red tapes here and there until the very essence of the movie is no longer there and its just a waste of peoples money to watch it. And the poeple in the industry doesnt want to allow new styles of movies, refreshing idea, vibrant youth mind, diverse culture. Theres no challenge in Malaysian movies. The one that was shown yesterday is as bad as the one after, maybe even worst. No competition, its just monotonous. Why do you think the local theatres and indie scenes are getting better and receiving more interest then ever before. Its because there, they see a brighter future, they are given a chance to perform. There its not about Malay-sian.There is about Malaysian.

6.The entertainment industry badly needs a good marketing mananger. Dont talk about finance. With proper handling of the money, good relations with the people in charge and some good drama, anything can do. Do you think the whole SEA entertainment industry have good marketing industry? Do you think Indon has a good marketing industry? Actually, we support them more then we support here. You know why? They're acting is better. They're movies have more sense. They're actors and actressess are good looking and pretty not like the one's here. And there you have big companies willing to support them. Why? Because they know the movies is good and worth the investment. Here, aha! Like I said, this one is bad, the next might be same or even worst. And one things for sure, your marketing people are not maarketing people. They dont think out of the box. So rigid and so closed minded, they're not creative and thrifty. They spend on unmarketable prodcuts.

For now, this is all I can think. But seriously Mr.Afdlin, if you want the Malaysians to support you, you need to have a Malaysian movie made. You need to have better emotions being played on the show. People always wants to see movies because of emotions, adn if the actors are as stiff as a stick, whats the point? And think out of the box for your movies. Dont be all comedy gila and love stories that are 'untouchables'(sentuh tu haram la blah blah blah) with similar story line during P.Ramlee's time.Make a change. Fight against those who make this a norm. Change for Malaysians and change will definitely come for you.

Kalau ada tersilap kata, saya menghumpun sepuluh jari minta maaf ye.Sorry

By the way, Happy New Year.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2009!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2009 TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!

Mix Malaysians

I actually found out that my friend knows this guy Mahesh Jugal Kishore. And he was of course talking about him over and over or atleast going on about how that guy is not that fantastic. I have nothing to say about him. For now, I find him neutral to me. He is an actor in the upcoming movie of the talented Yasmin Ahmad titled 'Talentime'. He's like some important role in the whole show. I dont know much about acting but his acting in the Petronas Deepavali advertisemnt was barely acting-able. I havent acted before and all but still I know about acting and I certaily belief he does not know how to act. But thats of course of a mere 35 second role in the advertisemnt. So to judge him just on that is not right. I of course thing that everyone has their way of acting and its in that simplicity is how Ms.Yasmin preferred it to be. I have to say, Yasmin Ahmad's movies always gets critiqued. Be it good or bad, but it Malaysia the "critics" who are the official critics always talks bad about her shows how the angle is bad and the story line makes no sense, the cast are filled with back actors, its this and that. But apparently, when its critiqued overseas it gets good reviews. And shes always well praised about how simple and virgin her movies are. What I cant understand is why can her talent not be appreciated well enough here? Its sad really. The younger generation want so much to accept her interacial stories and smart stories. In all, we do really love all her movies and we find it so educational and beautifully scripted. Yet you have the undaunted few who still refuse to move on their colonial perception that Malaysia should remain separate or Malay-asia and that no matter what it should remain one and another. It tears the heart of the many innocents who wish to see a brighter future. Actually, I still dont understand why this should happen. Ok I am dropping this topic for now.

I want to be in her movies I cant seem how to do so. Some say there are auditions, some say not due to the lack of funds available to do so. I dont know. Actually, I want to act in local films. But the problem is they are so Malay that it makes it look so fake. Like as if all Indians here are jokers and all chinese are to be sluts. It doesnt make sense. And it seems having a role as a mix person is hard. I dont know. Every movie like takes only malay, malay, malay. But of course, there is no such thing as a Malay. I do of course see role like non malays hold and its barely important or fun or invokes anything. They are unlike America or Britain where you can see a healthy mix in the entertainment indstry. It just seems so hard in Malaysia. I hope the industry will be more open, and are willing to accept the beauty of our mix people in Malaysia and learn to accept it in Malaysia. I know Madam Yasmin Ahmad is doing it one step at a time by taking in a one all look first. Like an all chinese, an all Indian and sorts. But I hope there will be more directors like her who would push through for a more Malaysian movie. And that then they later will accept a more mix Malaysians.

bored to write....

I am so tired and exhauted. I just got all the documents done today. Did grocery shopping. When for class. Before that when too the shop. Later after class when to the shop again. Then sold some stuffs then now back home. Sis is coming back tommorow. Cant wait to drop everything all on her. Haha. I am so evil. Forgive me.

But seriously its fun doing all this. Calvin is the same. But I think I guess his burden is abit more different. I mean all he do is work in his fathers shop. I on the other hand have like the shop to take care, things to sign and order, go for class, home groceries and freinds to update. But I love this life. I feel like I am of those Sex anbd the City girls. Powerfull and sexy all in one (although I find them menapaused). But I am not gay la.

Anyways, I have to talk to a friend.Bye

WOW!!!!2009!!!!!

No. Really. Its wow. I cant believe how freaking long it has been since I last came online. Last time I BLOG. This of course is my main source of solice and at the same time meeting wiht people who share the same thoughts and opinion and even if we dont at least it would be healthy way of debating it and learning something new. Forgive me for two thing:

1) MERRY CHRISTMAS 2008


2) HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009

I know whoever reads this would spit me and scream at me and tell me that I am so last year. But sadly I am. I just didnt have online connection. And I am so busy. Dont ask me what. That will be a whole another blog. But for now. I am just here to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I dont know whats in store. But slowly I am already feeling the pinch. Income. Love. Studies. Relationship.Israel.

I dont know whether to hate them. Or kill them. Either way, they're not in my heart.

Everyone, I AM BACK. Watch out!