My passion to write

It has been so long.

A very long time. I can’t explain my absence. Why and when it all started. I jus don’t know frankly. My passion was always to write. I read a lot, I hope. I talk a lot, that I know. But writing has always been a passion of mine. I write the most randomness things and the silliest things, but at least it keeps me going and on my feet. You know I was lucky I had the opportunity to write during my A-levels. I took General Paper as a subject, although it’s not counted but I was thinking oh well why don’t I give it a go. It was scary at first thinking what might be coming out because it was such an exam that ranged from various topics. It’s not something I have studied or grilled over for but tits and tats of daily lives and how I see it. It was really interesting. I had to write three essays. Frankly, it wasn’t my best three essays, but it was my second best. I remembered how I wrote for so long, and it was really rewarding. Not because I totally drained my brain from all the knowledge that I kept, but it was so exceptionally lifting that I could just write without worrying whether I was within the topic or I was ticking off that the marker whom wouldn’t be happy with some unwarranted sentences and witty quotes.

Yes I am sarcastic. That I have always known. But I sometimes wonder whether it is because of my lack of insecurity and low self-esteem or is it because of my level of confidence and my high self-esteem. I still am not sure on that yet, but that discussion shall be left for another day of writing. Right now, passion to write is all I can think off.

I don’t know how I just left my blogging sphere totally unblogged for a very long time. It was an annoying long time but I just didn’t know why. It was always at the back of my mind that I should have blogged about this topic and that topic and so forth. But maybe due to lack of time, I never could carry out my intentions successfully. Another weakness of mine. I am strong minded. Stronger then many of my companions, and that I know for a fact. But I often linger a lot on it, and then it fades away. Yes, people. That’s the ironicity of it all. I wish to write, I long to write but I never get down to writing. You know, when I watch some classic romance movie I would think that I will write like that someday but only on paper. Then I would think its going to be such a waste of paper, due to the many mistakes that I constantly do. Grammar, verbs, adjectives etc.

When I think of writing, I question myself. Is it for self satisfaction? Or is it to satisfy myself knowing that others will read it? Frankly, I don’t know. And maybe those kind of questions will never be answered. Or probably it would, but I just don’t know when. Some I know write it for the glamour, and yet some write it out of emotions. I can never be the judge of which writing would then be better, but there is one thing that I can judge is that as long as there is passion to write, it will be beautiful. I don’t know if I can pen down a story so imaginative or whether I can write a script so awakening. But it may be so that what I write may at least change peoples’ perspective of it someday. I do not demand any changes in perspective. But at least they would be able to see it from my view. And that’s all hat counts.

Yesterday, I watched Yasmin Ahmas’d movie ‘Talentime’. This is to be for my next blogs topic. It was such a fantastic movie. Its so pure and simple yet so gripping. They Malay dude,God, when he cried(so endearing). Mahesh put alot of work in it. Its not easy playing a deaf and dumb role. But he pulled it off well.But I wanted to say something is that people who are far sighted and who are well read and who are brilliant read a lot of poems. I know well and good that dear Yasmin Ahmad reads a lot of poems and her many favourites were the great Rabridanath Tagore’s book. I wish I too could read poems and understand the emotions that are well layered. But really, it puts me to sleep. The days when I use to read my school literature books, I sue to dread the sight of it. Not because I couldn’t understand it, but because I couldn’t revel in it. But I guess, I have to change. And after watching a few great people and learning their sources of inspirations, I too now feel that I want to start reading poems and reading books that makes you think be inspired by. It may sound a little far fetched, okay very far fetched but at least I would like to try it out. I have a friend, and I shall not mention the people’s name. The person is one very positive and sunshiny person. I really don’t know whether it’s because the person is hiding a deep pain or is just born that way. However, the person writes lot’s of poems. I was never given the chance to read any of it, but it got me thinking, “that person must be really brilliant”. This is because, to be able to pen down an emotions or thought that lingers at that very moment on a piece of paper is something not many can do successfully. It may not mean so much, it may not win the Bookers Prize, but for some it changes their lives. And that I believe can never be judged and awarded.

They always say the pen is mightier then the sword. I always thought that was a fake quote. Some random person must have put it in there to give credit to people who were able to read and write and were coward to fight rather then those who took up their sword with a firm fist. But now, as I grow over time, I do notice that the pen is mightier then the sword. It may not be the strongest item, it may not also be an everlasting item (ink running out), but what it states makes a difference to anyone who reads it. It places you in place you can’t dream of and it guides to roads untaken. What better way is there then to write? That’s why I feel really bad that my passion to write was momentarily stopped.

I do hope from now on that I will be able to write like I used too. Continues.